- Moving from Blame to Responsibility
This ingredient means beginning to explore honestly and sincerely why we are creating certain dynamics in our intimate relating, seeing how our behavior affects these dynamics, and then going back to the wounds of mistrust, shame, and fear underneath.
- Maintaining a Clear Sense of Whom We Are As We Go Deeper
This ingredient means observing how we may lose ourselves in the relating, our self-esteem, sense of ourselves, needs, and identity, and exploring the fears that may cause us to lose ourselves.
- Examining Our Expectations
This ingredient means paying close attention to how we project our expectations, demands, and unmet needs on the other person, noticing our behavior when our expectations are frustrated, learning to refrain from acting out on our frustrations, and learning to contain the frustration through meditation.
- Learning How to Notice and Regulate Our Anxiety
This ingredient requires learning to notice the state of our nervous system at all times and particularly when we are triggered and then learning tools to regulate ourselves without depending on our partner to do it for us.
- Willing to Look Honestly at Ourselves and Feel Our Pain, Shame, and Fears
Our transformation begins and has tangible affect on our lives when we are willing to look honestly are ourselves and most importantly willing to feel our pain, shame, and fears. This includes accepting that growth and intimacy means that we will need to encounter our pain, shame, and fear on an ongoing basis.
- Willing to Reach Out for Help
Most often, we cannot do this journey alone. We need the help, compassion, insights, and guidance of someone who has taken this journey authentically and is skilled and trained to assist others in this process.