In this article, we would like to share an important tool that is essential to the Learning Love Work – the ability to observe ourselves with depth and understanding as we venture through life’s challenges, and our intimate connections.
One factor that can help us feel more centered and empowered in our daily life is understanding the concept of the field.
We could say in that every situation, encounter, and relationship we enter into, we are entering into a specific energy field. And that field is composed of the physical environment, the person, or people we are meeting in the field, our presence, and what we bring to it.
The field has a reality of its own but because of past traumas and experiences, we are most often enveloped in our own little world, not aware of the field that we are in. It’s as if we are in our own movie; unaware of the world around us and unaware how the world changes according to how we move and behave.
For instance, if we perceive that other people are unfriendly or even threatening, we may begin to defend ourselves or even attack, and in that defense most probably the other person becomes unfriendly or distant.
It’s not always so easy to see how we are creating our own reality by the energy, vibration, and behavior we put out.
For instance, when we are expecting something from somebody; in that very energy of expecting we are making it impossible to receive what we long for and then end up even more frustrated. In addition, we are also not able to see the reality of the field uncontaminated by our beliefs, projections, and expectations.
It’s natural that because of past experiences we may feel deeply unsafe and unloved, and this moves us into some defensive or reactive behavior that creates the unsafety or the feeling of not being loved that we were trying to avoid.
While living inside our own little world created by the past, we are also not sensing the energy of the field around us and how we contribute to the energy field with our unacknowledged fears, expectations, anger, and mistrust.
In our daily life, we continually encounter different kinds of fields – a field with one person, with several people, a work environment, or even being alone in nature.
Each country and each continent has a different energy field with different vibrations of conditionings and thoughts.
You may have noticed that while being in different cultures than your own, you might naturally relax easier, or feel more inspired and energetic than when you are in the country and culture where you were raised. This is because that different field doesn’t trigger the same traumas, emotions, and reactions as the one you were raised in.
You may also notice that around certain people you feel more at ease, while being with others you may start to feel more insecure and judge yourself or the other person, or you may feel more unsettled.
It’s natural for us to blame whomever or whatever is provoking disturbing feelings to come up inside of us. It’s natural to think that the other person or people are the cause of our disturbance since we perhaps were not aware of these uncomfortable feelings until they were provoked by the outside.
It’s more challenging and growthful to take responsibility, feel our vulnerability, and see how the field we are in is mirroring something inside of us that needs to be looked at deeper and/or felt.
As we go deeper in awareness it’s helpful to begin to pay attention to the field of energy – inside us, around us, in the environment, and notice how it affects us and how we affect the field by what we are bringing to it.
Here are some examples:
Diana is an investment consultant who works in a high-powered financial firm. She notices that whenever she goes to work, she already feels some tension in her body because she’s aware that there are some people in the firm who frighten her because of their intensely competitive attitude and behavior.
She also notices that once she’s there, she also becomes much more pushy, assertive, sometimes even more aggressive than she normally is. In sessions she begins to understand the energetic nature of the field she works in and how each individual person she encounters affects how she feels inside. She is also becoming aware of what she puts into the field; in terms of her inner feelings, thoughts, and behavior when she’s there. This awareness has helped her to stay with herself, have more understanding and compassion for how this environment affects her and to see how she compensates to adjust to it. She is now experimenting with staying more in tune with herself without automatically compensating by being impatient or aggressive. With this new understanding she is already starting to notice a difference in the work environment.
Here is an example of the powerful field of intimate relating:
Bernard shares in a session that he is upset because his wife, Anna, is “all over the place, clutters their living space with stuff, and in general is scattered and unfocused.” He also shares that he loves her aliveness, positive attitude toward life, finds her very sexy, entertaining and in general fun to be with. He loves her deeply but has a terrible time with her being so scattered. During the work he begins to bring attention to the field he is in when being together with Anna.
He recognizes that it’s a repetition to how he felt as a child in a very chaotic and messy home environment. Often, we recreate a similar situation to learn deeper empowerment; to gain a sense of mastery that was not possible as a child.
As he explores the different body sensations that this disturbance causes and how similar it feels to when he was a child, he slowly learns to ground and center himself even in the midst of the chaos and mess.
At first it is not easy because he has expectations that Anna should be different. Those expectations are polluting the field, making it hard to recognize that perhaps his expectations are also creating a reaction in Anna that contributes to the chaos and mess. It’s important for him to notice that his judgments, expectations, and irritation affect not only how they both feel but also the overall energy of the field they are in together.
The understanding that every situation is a field can help us to recognize both what we find in the outer environment and what we bring to it in terms of our fears, insecurities, beliefs, and expectations.
Often, without realizing it, we contaminate the energy of the field by bringing to it our expectations, beliefs, judgments, complaining, anger, and irritation.
It might not be so easy to recognize this and when we do, we might judge ourselves and feel a lot of shame. It’s not that we are bad people or that it’s wrong, but it is very helpful to begin to recognize the impact our energy has on the field we are in.
If we take the time to feel both the outer reality and the reality of our inner experience, we are moving into the present rather than living in dreams, expectations, and emotional reactivity.
There is little doubt that we will be affected by whatever comes to us whether it is related to work, societal or peer pressures, government regulations, or another person’s beliefs, feelings, and behaviors. In addition to this, we need to take into consideration our own insecurities, fears, past traumas, and sensitivities.
For instance, Maria regularly goes on dates that she has arranged through dating apps. She tells us that so far, she is disappointed and discouraged that she will ever meet the man of her dreams. In sessions she slowly becomes aware of the expectations she is bringing into the field when she meets someone new and how they pollute the field.
We suggest trying a different approach. “Take it as an experience and be prepared that it might not feel right. When you meet the person, take a moment to step back and feel the energy of the field you have created by both of you meeting. There is already a certain “isness” about it. There might be some mutuality and connection or not. There might be a mutual attraction or not. Just be open to the experience rather than putting your hopes and expectations into the mix.”
Andrew is another example of how our beliefs and wounds can affect the field.
He is also experimenting with internet dating. In his case, it is not so much his expectations but rather his profound insecurities about not being attractive, or sexy enough, and loveable that contaminates the field. He projects onto the women that he meets that they are “too good for him” and that he could never live up to what he assumes are their expectations of how he should be. In this way, he is not able to see and feel either the women or the field as it is because it’s contaminated by his projections, fears, and insecurities.
It also helpful to feel ourselves when we are in a field that is neutral such as walking in nature or sitting silently in meditation. Without outside distractions it is often easier to feel and see ourselves, and to sense what is happening inside.
It’s natural that when we are with other people our focus of attention often goes to them, and we abandon ourselves and the feelings that need to be felt.
When we are in a field with others especially those we are deeply attached to, it gets more difficult to observe ourselves in the field.
This can also be true when outside events or forces affect us, and we feel helpless or powerless. Take for instance the debate over the vaccine or the restrictions being imposed by governments.
In any situation where we feel threatened it’s very hard to have the space to watch ourselves. The focus naturally turns outward towards the threat or perceived threat to defend ourselves. This is natural and instinctive.
However, if we don’t go deeper and recognize and feel the fear, the helplessness and powerlessness underneath the defense or ideas, there is no transformation.
There are so many painful things in life we can’t change or don’t have any control over, but our inner state is in our hands.
Here are some helpful steps to working with the field.
1. Become acutely aware of what the outer situation is and feel the energy of the field as if you are observing it and sensing it objectively.
2. Notice how the field affects you and feel the feelings it provokes.
3. Notice how you might be influencing the field with your beliefs, expectations, emotions, insecurities, projections, and fears.
In that way, we are no longer reacting robotically to what is coming to us. Very often, we may strongly believe that the outer situation should not be the way it is.
Then we are not seeing and feeling it as it is, and we are also not aware of what we bring to it or how we sabotage our ability to be present to how we are being impacted by it. In this way the feelings that would need to be felt for deeper transformation, are not available to us.
Furthermore, it’s important to understand that the fields that we find ourselves in today in all the different aspects of our life are no coincidence.
We co-create them because of our imprints from early childhood.
It’s very helpful to be guided back to sense the original field or fields of our childhood environments to bring more light to how they still affect our perception of reality.
In this way it becomes possible to feel what we went through as a small, innocent, impressionable, and defenseless child and it becomes easier to understand how we developed our fears, insecurities, beliefs, behaviors, sensitivities, and basic sense of self.
The fields that we find ourselves in today are very often a chance to re-create our original childhood fields with more awareness, presence, and as opportunities for empowerment.
The understanding of the field can provide us with a way to develop a better sense of mastery over our life. Rather than feeling overwhelmed or victimized by outside situations, events, other people’s behaviors, and environments, we can take them as opportunities for deeper growth.
For instance, you may have noticed how when you are stressed and tense you get a different response from the world around you than when you are relaxed and at ease.
The more you move in a state of vulnerability and trust, the more you receive of that.
As we go deeper, we begin to notice that the world around us mirrors our inner state.
When we understand that, everything changes.